Tell her she can't have a vagina
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
