What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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