you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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