new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
