You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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