I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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