the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
