Soap is not a condiment
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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