OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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