every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
