I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
