I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
