It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
