she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
