I'm gonna have a badass scar
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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