Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
