the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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