But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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