He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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