Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm too high and old for this...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
