I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
