That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
