So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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