I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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