One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You made out with two different species that night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
