I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
