"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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