forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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