There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he shaved USA in his pubs
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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