My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
