If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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