I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
