I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
