You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
