sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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