i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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