chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
