nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You pole danced in your parka.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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