Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
