I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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