So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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