So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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