He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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