her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just invented taco cereal.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
