last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
