I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
