I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
did i walk over a car last night?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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