grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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