i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
