It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
