508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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