I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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