I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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