The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
